Ahhhh Vacation. . .

Happy Memorial day everyone!

It's been a while since my last post. Since my birthday I've received permission to write and defend my thesis, I've given a talk at a research conference and am two weeks behind my dissertation schedule.

What has kept me sane? To tell the truth, I've met someone who is really supportive, considerate and nice--especially to me! And my relationship with him has taught me something--I'm a workaholic. I live in a culture where you can do your science 24/7. At my school, some faculty raise their eyebrows if you mention that you were doing something other than your work. I think in general, you have to be careful of how you discuss your personal life because it then becomes the reason for why your experiments didn't work or why you haven't written your paper. So unfortunately, I allowed this culture to ellicit guilt for not working--at any time! To adapt, I would go to work for hours but not really work. You know those internet escapes: email, facebook, The Daily Show with John Stewart on hulu. In the last few months I've been working on purging the guilt and putting some boundaries in my life.

The last sentence was easy to write but has been very hard to do. I try to do things like working on my dissertation for one hour at a time. In the past I would go to the library all afternoon and do a 15 minute task in two hours. I feel like, I have all this time--but I really don't. I have a lot of time and even more tasks to do. I've learned that being vigilant to when your mind wanders is key to knowing when to take a break. I've also turned off all audio and visual alerts to my email. Email in academia is like crack, it's great to receive one and no one tells you when you can and can't read it! So far so good but I'm still behind, why?

It's because I don't feel that adrenaline-based motivation. You know that feeling of excitement you get when you know you have a deadline in 12 hours and haven't started. In the past I've tried to start things early and felt at a loss for ideas. But when that deadline looms, the ideas flow right? Wrong! I often end up thinking that if I took my time when writing application essays for fellowships, grants, abstracts. . .you name they would be more refined. It also gives me less time to refine my writing.

Don't get me wrong, I've successfully completed tasks and received funding. But the more I think about my future, the more I just want peace in my life. When I started grad school I knew that I wanted to be a faculty member at a tier 1 institution, running a lab and mentoring students. Today, when I grow up, I just want to be happy. And that means living and appreciating every mundane minute as it comes instead of living for the next "event". That means, its time to grow up and "trade-up" adrenaline-based drive for self-inspired motivation.

Lately I've been thinking of becoming a science journalist. In reality, I'm really on the fence. I love learning about science, but doing the science can be grueling. I know that I have it in me to run a lab some day, but I'm really tired and need to revamp the way I live my life if I want to take on this time-intensive occupation. On the other hand, I love mentoring and I love watching conclusive results come in after I've performed experiments that I've thought of on my own. Science journalism allows you to stay in touch with the hot science that works but it also appeals to my affinity for meeting new people and dwelling within the "real world". I also feel like there's a voice inside me that can communicate science to the lay public, and I want to share it with others. Plus, writing research articles and my dissertation is boring! No one told me that it would be this boring, Ph.D.'s definitely do not receive enough credit for going through this mentally draining exercise.

Right now, I'm volunteering for opportunities to write for the public and am networking with other science writers. I've also learned that blogging about my hair counts as writing! Well, at least I can create clips to use in internship applications. I'm also reading "A Field Guide for Science Writers" and let me tell you, science journalism is no walk in the park! It's very competitive and you have to treat it like running a small business--but being an entreprenuer has always been of interest to me. What is great is that I can volunteer and gain writing experience to build my confidence as a writer, and at the same time be a post-doc and see if I like academic research as well. The future is looking brighter and is filled with possibilities--now all I have to do is write that pesky dissertation.

I have so say that I'm getting more and more paranoid about my grammar now that I'm thinking about writing as a career. Oh well, if I don't decide to be a science journalist at least my writing will get better! Anyway, I'll be blogging my dissertation progress as well as the daily events of life in Chi-town, so stay tuned! For now, check out this braid out! Did I forget to say that I love my SL's? I truly do!